Spasers on spun!  ("Fresh Prince.")

Ooh, girl, you's a bad mama jamma!  ("Fresh Prince.")

We were basically one and the same, although Jim was just about perfect, and, of course, I am perfect.  (About Kirk.)

I hate flying; flat out hate its guts.  (On flying.)

Does...um...like question?...anybody have a like question?  (Nervous at convention.)

Have you ever tried to remain "still and quiet" while an enormous pachyderm evacuated its bowels on your head?  (When an elephant went on his head.)

Babies have big heads, and big eyes, and tiny little bodies with tiny little arms and legs.  So did the aliens at Roswell!  I rest my case.  (About babies.)

Now as the light changes, and the car takes off, the little old lady turns, gives me the finger, and let's fly with "Picard rules!  Kirk's an asshole!!!"  I swear to God.  Can you imagine?  (Trying to hitch a ride to a horse show)

Down on the farm, I'm no longer William Shatner, actor/author/father, I'm more "Billy Bob Shatner, 'good ol' boy.'"  I chew straw, I spit, I scratch, I'm prone to sudden involuntary outbursts of "Howdy," maybe even an occasional "YEEEE-HAAAAW!"  (On his farm.)

I hit something!  What did I hit?  Oh please, don't let it be dead!  Please don't let me have flattened Bambi!  (On running over a skunk with his truck.)

I'm coming little animal!  (To skunk.)

At that point, looking remarkably healthy, the skunk gave me the finger (I swear!) and casually strolled back into the woods.  (After being sprayed by skunk.)

You don't understand!  This really is William Shatner, and I stink!  (To 911 operator after being sprayed by skunk.)

...uh,...no, that's not a dog, it's a, uh, miniature Klingon horse, I've captured him and I'm bringing him back to the zoo on...uh...Rigel Seven.  (Discribing his dog to a Kirk-fascinated kid who's getting a tour of the Enterprise camper.)

And he says to me, I swear, "Mr. Kirk...uh, I mean Stratner...dude...William...you just have to check it out for yourself.  (About guy approaching him on ski slope.)

When Leonard managed to flub a line about "the heart of the nebulae" into "the liver  of the nebulae," I lost all sense of control, giggling all over the bridge and spouting back, "The 'liver'?  You must be kidneying.  You've got the guts to say that to me?"  (About goofing off on the set.)

I wanted to sniff those flowers, and fly!  (On spores.)

Last Updated: 13 January 2000

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Kirk Changing

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